ianbee: this is instead of getting a dog

Billy Bragg and me

I've been at Greenbelt Festival this weekend past, helping to run a small photographic exhibition (more later). I was classed as a 'contributor', a title which gave me a purple wristband-ticket, meal vouchers and access to the luxurious 'contributor's lounge', which had proper coffee and board games.

Soon after arriving, I went to the lounge to pick up my contributor's pack, which included my meal vouchers and a festival programme. The lady behind the welcome desk flicked through a pile of envelopes stacked in alphabetical order. "Let me see ... Billy Bragg ... here we are, Ian Braithwaite!"

The first and probably only time I will be legitimately mentioned in the same sentence as Billy Bragg.

David O'Doherty (feat. Shakira)

My third Edinburgh fringe choice was a safe one. David O'Doherty, a large Irish man with a tiny keyboard. (Minor rude word alert.)

 

 

He told us about a friend who thinks computer games are the modern equivalent of reading a novel. "No they're not", he said. "They're the modern equivalent of throwing a novel through a hoop. The modern equivalent of reading a novel is ... reading a modern novel."

 

 

Anyone for Tennis?

Remember when I used to live in Edinburgh? I used to bore you all with reems of tedious chat about the festival and all the fancy shows I went to. Well don't worry, this year you only have to read three posts. Here's the first.

 

I'm a sucker for Australian or Kiwi novelty bands. This one seemed fun, I took a risk, persuaded three friends to join me, and spent an hour revelling in inappropriate content sung with appropriate harmony. It was a struggle to find some video to share with you! Their songs always seemed to follow the same pattern; an innocuous start, catchy melody, predictable but inoffensive key change, and then out of nowhere a breath-taking side step into inapt hilarity! I loved the one about how the clock in the bedroom says 10:04 and the clock in the kitchen says 10:02. It was called "Time Portal in the Hall". 

Fans of Gladiator or Braveheart should check this out. Fans of Wallace and Gromit click here.

The Cat Empire

Great news! The Cat Empire are touring the UK in October!

I was given one of their CDs as my secret-santa present at work a couple of years ago. That was enough to persuade me to get to a gig. Or two ...

... where I discovered that they are one of the best live bands you can hear. Loud and groovy, funky chants, rasta organs, ska recorder, decks and brass. Catchy, complex, Australian, Cuban influences, a lead singer who looks like an architect and a trumpet player with a massive beard.

Go see them just for the beard. Stay for the music.

Now all I need is for The Bamboos to make another British appearence ...

 

 

Local horse and a heckle

This is my local horse. He (?she) lives a hundred yards from me, in the opposite direction to the ducks and the cockerel. He looks happy enough. He has a chain though, which bothers me slightly. Although that's only when he's out of his field. And he always seems to be chained up in a different spot. So that's okay. Isn't it?

I went to an acoustic gig on Sunday night. Very mellow, three singer-songwriters avoiding the heat in an air-conditioned basement club. One announced his new song - "It's about a dripping tap ..." Quick as a flash, the guy sitting next to me yelled back "Do you want me to give it a plug?"

Genius.

Flashmob accapella engagement

The choir I used to belong to in Sydney, Australia, were recently asked to provide a surprise musical back-drop for a marriage proposal.

 

I think she said yes. Is that him putting a ring on her finger? Or did she say "pull this"? It's not entirely clear, although she does run away at the end. Which could be good or bad.

 

I want to make this film and ask this question

This is so entertaining. I wish it was an hour long!

 

Carmen and a special forces dog

I went to see the Opera North production of Carmen a few days ago. I have been humming dum dum dadum dum, dum de dum de dum ever since.

Despite being a Spanish story sung in French, the first act was located in sixties America and looked like the suburban set from Edward Scissorhands. The second act was a hoe-down. The third was in a forest, and the final act at a football match. I am still not entirely sure of the plot, but I understand, gentlemen, that Carmen is woman to be avoided. At all costs.

Escamillo, the bullfighter, had a dog. A small boxer-type that walked on with the actor, on a lead, sniffed around a bit through a muzzle then was led off before the singing started. It was a strange addition to the production.  Every time the dog arrived you could hear the audience gasp "it's a dog!" Everyone's attention was then totally fixed on the animal until the moment he left the stage. What is he doing? Where is he going? What is he sniffing? Is he happy? Look at his little paws ...

I think it is a general rule that a dog always upstages everyone. I have no recollection of what was happening on the rest of the stage whenever the dog was present. Whilst the dog was on stage nothing else existed for us.

I read that the navy seals that attacked Bin Laden's compound took with them a "special forces dog". I wonder if that served the same purpose? Take a dog into battle, the enemy look at the dog, get distracted, get shot.

The alternative is that is was a special search dog, trained to sniff out terrorists. Given a piece of Bin Laden's clothes to sniff, the dog sat in the front of the lead helicopter, pointing the way to the compound with a paw.

Find out more about special forces dogs here!

 



Hidden Door (3)

The five stages allowed for an intense concert experience. They were arranged around the outside of the room so a band on one stage would finish and the next could kick off with barely a crotchet's rest. There was no time to catch breath, all the audience had to do was rotate on their heels through 72 degrees at the end of each set.

Sounds good? Then imagine, once the novelty of that trick wears off, that five bands take to the stages simultaneously having learnt each other's songs. The resulting set spins the audience into delirious confusion as, after a gentle start, choruses are harmonised from every corner or the room and a guitar solo rises from behind and slightly to the left. 

Whilst that wonderful concept remained fresh with the music still ringing in our ears, the following evening saw multiple bands perform a join composition which pounded the unsuspecting audience from all sides. A miracle of synchronised guitar tuning and complex sound engineering produced a gig that managed to be all about emotion and the collective power of sound.

You've read this far, why not watch a video? You deserve it.

 

Wish you'd been there? Why not taste a sample of the event through the Hidden Door iphone app. This cunning tool will play a dynamically changing location-aware music mix as you travel towards the venue. Which has unfortunately gone into administration. But the app still works.

Hidden Door (2)

The main hall was home to five stages, each the creation of a different group of artists and musicians. One stage was a simple white box, to be covered in projections and visual detritus. Another bought the outdoors inside with a dirt floor, picket fence and blue sky. The centre stage was a tiered construction that rose grandly up into the spacious roof. As the bands played below, artists scurried about above our heads painting amongst the music.

(left - tramp blues band on the white stage, right - indoor lawn complete with cake stall)

In my role as general helpful person, my finest hour was when I was called upon at a moment's notice to ascend into the upper levels of the stage with a screwdriver to remove a giant letter 'C' which had been catching on the costume of a ninja bellydancer. Whilst RBRBR played the tunes below, I crouched focused and undistracted amongst the smoke, the lights and the bellies. I was equal to the task and the entertainment continued.